"It's like a high-rise hotel with a handle."

"It's like osmosis, only hardcore!"

"There was too much unsayable going on at this table, and he couldn't handle it."

"It's the dry mix of DOOM!"

"You are not allowed to make 'man' a direct object of 'suck'"

"A semiautomatic SNAPPLE bottle!

"You're not a hamster. You just live with a giant hamster."

"Groom me! Groom me now!"

"Man, I'm feeling horny. Mooooo..."

"Then I end up looking like a possessed koosh ball."

"Don't do that, or I'll-- squeal."

"No, that's ALL French people. All French people talk to flowers."

"Ecstasy-- to enhance your dining hall experience."

"It's too early to speak legibly."

"I have a deodorant problem." *smeeear*

"Shhh. Don't tell Hollywood."

"Bewaaaaaaaaaare the Grooooooove!!!" (from The Emperor's New Groove)

*thud* "Need a skateboard?"

"Ooooooh, sensual khakis."

"I beat all the Insane Warlords! I know how to triple-kick them in the insaney skull!"

"Julie, your napkin is ringing!"

"Chocolate wafers taste like cardboard in the best possible way."

"He's blind and he has a machete! I don't get it."

"I played the trumpet, but it sounded like the death moo of a constipated cow."

"That's just like those people who can stick a lot of things up their butt."

"Have you met my semen?"

"A house is not a home without a ukelali."

"Would you like some fling poo with your moo goo gui pan?"

"Look! Flying boobs!"

"Tim?"

"Your persiflage is showing."

"So I said to the Jehovas' Witnesses, 'I don't want to talk to you! I'm peeing!'"

"The Pope says eat your ravioli"

"Jane is a MAN!!!"

"Circle flank! Circle flank!"

"Evil finger fire flames!"

"Rage: good to the last drop."

"The Uberplural!"

"Jesus speaks in red."

"The cars are doing the shiny at me."

"Poo! On a stick!"

"Die! But not in my lap."

"Cry me a bridge!"

"The heavens go 'Yoink!'"

"I just tripped over the sun!"

"This is being satanized."

"I just scratched my other nose!"

"Raise your hand if you think it was a Russian water tentacle." (from The Abyss)

"Quiet! I'm dancing!"

"Bleed! Bleed more!!"

"Tan is a NEU-tral color!"

"There is definitely a cherry in my sleeve."

"You wouldn't be laughing if you had just lost both YOUR stirrups!"

"I'm not your pencil whore!"

"Just think of him as a pet poodle."

"They need room to float free on the breeze."

"Where did Kate go? She was here...and now she's not."

"This started out as rollerblading...but nooo!"

"How was the SECTional?"

"Ouch! We are in pain!"

"We all called Paul!"

"Cranberries? Where?"

"What a nice parking space. Mommy will be pleased."

"Men!"

"I want the balloon!"

"I did it, and it was fun, so I went back and did it again..."

"Are you aroused by Jon's alarm clock?"

"Don't give the Doritos a pre-purchase exam!"

"I got bored of compassion. I've moved on to hate."

"I don't like writing about myself in the third person. It makes me feel insecure, like someone's talking about me behind my back or something."

"One must focus on only the most conceivable of concepts in order to accomplish anything."

"We've filled our ass-making-of quota for the day."

"What did you do with your mouthpiece cover?" "I put it in my immense cleavage!"

"I'm a petri dish!"

"He's open to people having other views as long as he doesn't hear them."

"Son of a squee!!"

"What if I took the derivative of you, little equation? THEN what would you think?"

"One massive bubbling pot of stupidity and smartness."

"If you are what you eat, I'd be fast, cheap, and easy."

"Screaming people tend to attract pools."

"Who gives a flying fig newton?"

"You're wholesomely retarded!"

"She was laughing up a hairball."

"Welcome to the boyfriend deli. Please take a number."

"Go to sleep. Your brain is not connected properly."

"She's only shallow on the surface."

"That's facial hair??"

"So you're the queen of almighty hyperness, now, are you?"

"You have a right to be a social misfit."

"Decide first. Then make noise."

"Were you traumatized by coffee at one time?"

"Commoner. Do not touch my feet."

"That's a whole different shish kabob."

"Your carpenter is a termite??"

"A dumb piece of cookie dough person."

"However whatever."

"When the shoe hits the fan."

"Aimlessly single."

"We thought the health teacher ate you."

"There are little elf people running around in your head telling you what to do."

"A useless piece of friend."