On The Wing Of My Fancy |
Saturday, March 31, 2001
There are some people who shouldn't even try to be supportive and sympathetic...
There's this kid who I don't know very well and have no desire to know very well who felt the need to go up to me on Wednesday and pat me on the shoulder and say, "You're a trooper. I'm sure you'll be fine." This may sound unappreciative, but who asked him? I mean, all of you people who read the blog knew I was scared out of my wits, but I hadn't actually told many people that. For the general population I had adopted an unconcerned attitude about the situation, like "Hey, scalpels to the nose. So what?" (Well, no, I didn't actually say that, but you get the idea.) And now this kid is acting all chummy like he's my best buddy or something. And I'm quite sure that I'll see him at the school musical tonight, and I'm quite sure that he will continue to be all chummy and comforting and stuff, and I'm quite sure that I will be wanting him to go away. Far away. And it's not like he even picked up on a weakness that I was hiding, or anything. He just has a tendency to mind other people's business. A lot. Grrr. Get the impression I'm not a people person? Burn down the disco, hang the blessed DJ Friday, March 30, 2001
if it's not one thing, it's another.
now that blogger's back up, ftp geocities is being a bitch. grrr.
so, what were YOU doing while Blogger was down?
I was sleeping, mostly, having a bit of breakfast, checking email, and watching 84 Charing Cross Road.
music and meditation are wonderful things.
granted i'm not the best in the world at meditation, but it did help to calm me down while i was waiting for the doctor, who showed up almost half an hour late. so i managed to handle the situation with dignity and a Walkman. they weren't kidding when they said the anesthesia worked fast. they told me they were putting the stuff in my IV, and then a few seconds later it hit my bloodstream. i don't remember falling asleep. i must've blinked or something, and when my eyes opened, *poof*, i was in recovery. why is it that after surgery nurses feel the need to say things like "You were great!!" in a frighteningly enthusiastic sort of way? You'd think I had just starred in a major dramatic production. i would've taken a bow, but i was too groggy at the time. i'm glad i have such amazing talent for being unconscious. so, i'm doing pretty well right now. the doctor prescribed an absurdly strong medication which i haven't even bothered to take, since my nose barely hurts. it's more annoying than anything else. now i'm just hoping i can guilt the parents into getting me the Les Miserables 10th anniversary edition CD. joanna said it best: "you are queen, take advantage!" and my daffodils came in earlier this week, and they just opened yesterday. i feel like i sent myself get-well flowers or something. i love daffidils. i love Daffodil Days. now let's hope this will post. i wrote something like this last night, after glancing at the blogger main page at 6:00 and thinking, "wow, the 4:30 upgrade is already done." riiiiiiiight. damn pacific time. I've never had to knock on wood Thursday, March 29, 2001
i don't do well without food or drink for ten hours.
if i could actually think about the surgery i'm sure i would be panicking, but i think my mind is aware of that and is therefore prevening me from really thinking about it for more than a few seconds at a time. "My mind slipped from the noose of the thought and swung, like a bird, in the center of empty air." my mind is behaving exactly like that Syliva Plath quote, refusing to attach itself to the idea of people fooling around with scalpels in my nose. which is fine by me. i'm at school and they're making me get off the computer now, because a class needs to use the computer lab. Wednesday, March 28, 2001
so, tomorrow is THE SURGERY. *dum de dum dum DUM*
i am not precisely looking forward to this. i have managed to put it out of my mind for most of the day, but i know that when i'm forced to face the reality of it, i'm going to be scared out of my wits. i'll probably be listening to relaxing music on my walkman beforehand in order to prevent panic attacks. either Cat Stevens or Savage Garden i think. at this rate it looks like it's going to be Cat Stevens because Savage Garden is on a CD, and i don't see that i'm going to have time to record it to cassette tonight. anyway, hopefully they'll just knock me out before i have time to think about it too much. as promised, mr. h loaned me his Les Miserables CDs. yesterday i listened to the 10th anniversary edition three times through, both CDs. that is beautiful stuff. it was emotionally draining to listen to. i'm going out to buy that the next chance i get. right now "One Day More" is stuck in my head, which is fine by me. :-) now WHAT on earth did i do with that AP Spanish prep book? *spazzes* Ms. Holt will have my head if i've lost it... and yeah, be thinking positive thoughts at 11:00 tomorrow morning... Monday, March 26, 2001
At chorale Dr. Young claimed that there would be no snow whatsoever, and we knew as soon as he said that that there would be snow. And sure enough, as I walked out of Boyden Hall, snowflakes the size of small change were falling. I was like a small child, running around trying to catch them on my tongue. I needed to walk to the library to do some term paper research, but I was enjoying myself too much to want to go inside. As I was walking I momentarily had the strange impression that the snow wasn't falling so much as the earth was rising. When I got to the library I tried to do my research at warp speed, in hopes that I'd be done early and have time to take a walk before my ride showed up. I finished with enough time left to walk down to the Daily Grind and get a white mocha cocoa. By that time the snowflakes were much smaller, and falling from the sky like all that glitter in the last scene of Footloose, but not so gaudy. Nature is tasteful like that. :-) So I got my cocoa, and I walked back to the library entirely content, holding a nice hot drink and walking alone down the street in the snow. Alone but not lonely...because how can you really be alone when all the world is dancing around you? It is choreographed, I tell you. As I stood outside the library the snow fell off a branch of a tree and hit the ground looking just exactly like the powdered sugar I managed to dump all over myself yesterday. Does that make me like a tree? No wonder I wanted to climb the sunlight out the skylight of the Villa Capri. Or perhaps it makes the tree like a clumsy person, in which case I imagine it was as embarrassed as I was when it dropped its load of snow. I hope it didn't misunderstand my broad smile as one of ridicule. If anything it was a smile of understanding and kinship, and of general exhileration about everything around me.
And it's still snowing but now I'm inside working on that dratted term paper. Guh. (And yes, I know that entire paragraph sounds delirious. Just wait till you hear from me when I'm really drugged, on Thursday.) Whoa- where do you go Sunday, March 25, 2001
well, your future might look bleak too if you had to go to a bridal shower...
it was for my grandmother's hairdresser's adopted daughter. not quite as random as it sounds when you consider that my grandmother's hairdresser is also her best friend and the adopted daughter was also, incidentally, the flower girl at my parents' wedding. but still. i hate social situations, especially ones where i don't know anyone. half the people there were speaking Italian and half of the Italians were named Marie. this resulted in more confusion than i think was absolutely necessary. it was held at a place called the Villa Capri, which reminded me of some buildings that i saw in Mexico, except that it was freaking freezing. we sat at a table under a skylight. when the sun was right overhead it shined in my eyes so that i had to squint to see the people at the table through the curtain of light. i love it when light behaves like a solid. now, if only it had behaved like a ladder so i could've climbed out the roof and escaped... my mother said it was the biggest, most ostentacious bridal shower she had ever been to. at least there was lots of food. i kept myself occupied by eating and hoped that people wouldn't talk to me too much. dinner passed uneventfully except for the fact that i managed to cover myself with powdered suger in a painfully clumsy attempt to pass the dessert plate. and after a few hours of women gushing over silverware and crock pots, it was over. and after a two and a half hour drive, i'm back home. phew. now for chem cramming... It's the end of the world as we know it |
