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You can take
You can give
Let her be
Let her live.
If I die, let me die
Let her live,
Bring her home
Bring her home
Bring her home.
~"Bring Him Home"
from Les Miserables
Saturday, August 11, 2001
I just smelled the air outside, and it is absolutely beautiful. Cool and fresh and alive. Not a bad day for biking around town and things. Whee!In other news, I laced my new sneakers today. It actually took me three tries on each shoe to do it right. I swear, shoelaces have their own special physics which is completely incomprehensible to me. (It must be a space alien conspiracy.)
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away...
~U2
spake the voices
Friday, August 10, 2001
right now, i feel more dead than tired. can't quite explain that. maybe i'll be alive when i wake up. (how convoluted does that sound?) ack.
spake the voices
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.For some reason I've gotten out of the habit of copying posts to my clipboard before posting. And now look what happened. Grrrr. It's gone. The whole long rambling thing.
Frankly, it wasn't all that interesting. Just the long story about my day. So if you for some reason have a strong desire to hear about (a) My trip to the Aquarium with friends, (b) Walking from the Aquarium to the Pru with little to no knowledge of Boston, (c) Exactly how tired my feet were after this expedition, (d) Creepy Guy in South Station hitting on me, or (e) Small children on the train ride home, feel free to email me or something. Yeah.
spake the voices
Thursday, August 09, 2001
"NOOOO ball! Not the water trap!!! DAMNIT NOT AGAIN!"Yeah, so now you can amuse yourself with online golf. Like I have been.
During the power outages I sat in my somewhat-less-scalding basement and methodically put slices of tomato and rapidly-thawing frozen mozzerella cheese on Melba toast. Ever since we used to grow tomatoes in our garden I've hated store-bought tomatoes, all orange and grainy. But yesterday, my mother bought fresh tomatoes from the farm down the street. Now I can eat tomato for the sake of tomato again, instead of putting them in salad for the color, or putting them on a sandwich so it would be more than just lettuce, cheese, and mustard. I love tomatoes.And on my way to my voice lesson, I passed the same farm and saw the huge power-hoses shooting into the air and over the fields of corn, each spraying its own personal rainbow. Even though the overdevelopment that is suburbia has been creeping across this town like a bad rash for as long as I can remember, in some ways we are still rural. We grow things here.
spake the voices
So, today I went to Cambridge for the band party and in search of new CDs. Since my last music shopping trip utterly failed to expose me to anything new, this time I vowed that I would get something from either Dave's or Dane's suggestions and listen to something different from what I would normally choose. But after wandering around to various music stores, and realizing I only had money for one CD, not two (due to the fact that I unexpectedly took a friend out to lunch earlier) I couldn't really decide what I wanted, so I just went off to the band party. Which was fun, as I realized that I could sort music at least twice as fast as everyone else there. Band librarian skills, whee! Later I was poring over the score for Lord of the Rings with another Tolkein aficionado and developed a strong desire to listen to the entire thing. (The Harvard band only played the first movement, Gandalf, which I was pretty impressed with overall.) So...you guessed it. I left the party a bit earlier than I had to to catch my train, went to HMV and bought myself the CD. Mission accomplished. And it is something sort of new to me, because I don't generally listen to classical music. I certainly don't buy it. So perhaps now I'll get over my classical-phobia and start to look into the stuff a bit more.This is also reminding me that I have to read the Lord of the Rings again. But my father got ahold of the books, and I'm not sure I'll be seeing them again anytime soon. Drat. :-p But that's probably just as well, as I have much Greek to study. I was trying to review the text on the train to Boston and found myself dozing. This doesn't bode well for Intermediate Greek or for my no-caffeine resolution. Ack.
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind...
~Kansas
spake the voices
Tuesday, August 07, 2001
Tonight, in the dim living room with a huge fan trying to somehow chase away the heat wave all by itself, chatting about nothing with the people who have been my best friends since first grade, I remembered what it was like to have friends that I didn't have to prove anything to. Time could have stopped and we could have just sat there forever, in the same living room we've played in since we were little, just being ourselves. And now I'm here alone, and I'm restless again, but I know there are moments when I'm not, when I could stay here, when I'm not dizzied and frustrated by the same old problems and same old stories over and over again.Hell, they're the only thing that could make you stay...
spake the voices
Monday, August 06, 2001
My family and I are living in parallel but separate universes. Here we all are. We talk, we see each other. But really, we're only phantoms, and after a few minutes of conversation we fade away, back into our own self-immersed bubbles.I've already left. In two weeks my body and belongings will catch up with me.
spake the voices
YAY!! I got my room assignment in the mail! And on the day it was supposed to come, too! (Usually Colgate mail takes three days longer to reach me than anyone else in Massachusetts.) I have a quad on the fifth floor of East. No elevators. Moving in should be fun... =)
spake the voices
Emotional: They're out to get you. You know they are. They're just using you. You've never been really important to them. They were just fairweather friends, friends out of convenience. Now you're leaving they couldn't care less.
Logical: Now don't be silly. You've never allowed yourself to be that easily deceived. They're just busy. You can't be the first thing on their mind all the time, you know. Why can't you just trust people?
Emotional: They can't be trusted! Why are you always calling them, and not the other way around? Why are you always begging for company? Why are you always the odd one out? It's because you don't matter to them! You'd best stop calling them, you're only making yourself look silly, begging for attention like that.
Logical: You're doing nothing of the sort. It's not like you'll gain anything from withdrawing into yourself the way you always do. Like at the party tonight. What did you think you were doing, sitting in the corner and sulking? We've had this conversation before.
Emotional: Well, no one cared whether I was there or not. Why should I force myself on them if I'm not wanted?
Logical: Stop wallowing in self-pity.
Emotional: I'm not wallowing in self-pity!
Logical: Are too!
Emotional: Am not!
Logical: Are too!
Emotional: Am not!
Logical: At any rate, you're overreacting. Just because you are not the center of attention does not mean that everyone hates you. It just means that there's someone besides you in the room.
Emotional: But when they lie to me about whether they're working then I know they're trying to avoid me.
Logical: You just remembered wrong. No one's lying to you. What reason would they have for avoiding you? Would you stop being paranoid for once?
Emotional: You won't be saying that the next time someone screws you over.
Logical: No one's going to screw you over.
Emotional: It's been done before.
Logical: You can't keep living in the past. That's over. You can trust people now. These are your friends, for chrissake.
Emotional: They're going to forget about you. They already have. It's time to get away from here.
Logical: It is time to get away from here. But that's not the reason. Hell, they're the only thing that could make you stay.And you wonder why my mind is such a crazy spinning mess sometimes.
spake the voices
Sunday, August 05, 2001
Why do I always mistake things that are fleeting for things that are real?Nothing is real. It's all in my head.
But that was fleeting too.
But so true...
spake the voices
A very off-balance day. Isolated, uncommunicative. Not caring much, going through the motions. Hm.Got a bit better once the concert started. I'll tell you more about that later, too. Sometime when I get in before midnight.
I think I would suffer from serious depression if I had the attention span for it. Hey, look! Ooooh, something shiny. ;-)
spake the voices
