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Is this the real life? Yuccacentric
Blistered Avalon
Debitage
Fish Gone Bad
Scattered Words
F*cknuts
Donkey Balls
Betrunkene
Is this just fantasy? Book of Days
JessaJune
Blue Like That
Crezappy
Too Much Information
Wockerjabby
Isomorphisms
Squarebook
Reality Sandwiches
Saturday, February 09, 2002
The chapel dome hasn't been lit up at all tonight. I'm not sure what to make of that.I've come to the conclusion that in future years I'm really going to miss having a window that looks out on the chapel.
spake the voices
Friday, February 08, 2002
And the day continues as it began-- withdrawn.
spake the voices
sounds, everywhere. music in the next room that keeps skipping, roommates squealing and giggling and singing, AIM sounds on my own computer that keep startling me, and I can feel myself tensing up like I do whenever this happens. I hope that they leave before I retreat into myself to hide from all the stimuli around me, because then I get trapped and can't find my way out for hours, and it's no fun spending a Friday night (or any night for that matter) stuck someplace where I can't quite reach anyone and no one can quite reach me. But until then all I can do is turn up some calming music of my own on my headphones, which is a danger itself because that could overload my senses just as easily as anything else and make me hate my own music. But all in all, music that doesn't skip is likely to cause me less trouble right now than music that does, so I'll risk it and try to work on my Greek and try to relax and breathe and wait for a time when i can enjoy all this instead of cowering from it.
spake the voices
And then some days you look in the mirror and wish you hadn't. I know it's terribly dumb and superficial for my opinion of myself to depend on my appearance, but my self-worth and my looks seem to be connected in some inextricable way, and some days that's just a bad thing. Gah.
spake the voices
Thursday, February 07, 2002
I'm very tempted to go outside barefoot, just because I can. But first I need to find a plausible excuse to go outside. Hmm...
spake the voices
I wish my comments would work. Bleh.
spake the voices
Wednesday, February 06, 2002
I just stepped outside my life for a moment and looked into my room and saw myself talking to someone about social ideologies on AIM while rereading my Greek translation and thought, wow, this college thing is everything I hoped it would be.
spake the voices
Science is just too cold for me. I understand it and believe in it and all that, but I can't believe that all the DNA and atoms and particles and things don't create something more than themselves when they come together. Why does everyone think that's mutually exclusive, that something as indefinable as humanity (not humans, but humanity; I'm trying to separate the concrete from the abstract here) can be made from so many infinitely definable parts? It seems that many scientists like to say that any question that science can't answer is not worth asking. I deny that. We may never have real, concrete answers to our questions, or any answers at all, but asking unanswerable questions is part of what makes us human. And I don't see what makes people who avoid asking the hard questions somehow higher or better than the people who do.It seems that not only do I specialize in the useless, I also specialize in the impossible. Woo.
spake the voices
And another tree goes down-- the one on the path from East to the Coop. Again, I thought (hoped) they were just pruning, and again I came back to find the tree mostly gone.It takes a long time for a tree to grow that high...
spake the voices
Tuesday, February 05, 2002
I love my job. Pasting books together for three hours, listening to the other people chatting around me. Away from my work for a few hours, not thinking about everything that I have to get done this week since I'll be busy all weekend. Just working with my hands, accomplishing something tangible for once, talking about the shortcomings of the FotR movie instead of hyperanalyzing my reading and trying to define religion. Because all those things are wonderful, but sometimes my mind needs a break, and Tuesday mornings are really the perfect time for it. Book conservation is my friend.
spake the voices
No matter how many times I say certain things in my head, sometimes it's still nearly impossible to say them aloud. The air is a much different texture than my mind-- things work differently there, and I realized yesterday as I felt my face turn warm as I spoke that that's a gap that's not always easy to cross.But I'm glad I tried, because at that moment everything that I'd been told and thought I'd understood made sense to me in a way it hadn't before.
spake the voices
Monday, February 04, 2002
Woo! Looks like I have voice lessons after all. The person just couldn't get in touch with me because of the dratted H in my email address. Yay, now I can stop being bitter.
spake the voices
Snow is falling in big thick flakes, the kind that accumulate really fast and stick to my hair and eyelashes as I go down the hill. It's so pretty that I want to go outside to do my reading, like I do on the really pretty sunny days, but I can't, because, well, snow on books is not a good thing. So instead I crane my neck around every few minutes to look out the window. I need a study area with a view. Or not, because then I'd stare out the window daydreaming the whole time and not get anything done. But I went for a walk just for the heck of it, and the hush of fresh snow has already fallen over the campus. I like snow.
spake the voices
Ack. My Modernity class hurts me. *wince*At least I should be able to write some decent papers, because there are some things that I'd like to argue, but I can't get a cohesive argument together during class discussions. Bleh.
spake the voices
Sunday, February 03, 2002
YAY PATS!!! *throws confetti* Wow. Best Superbowl Ever.In other news, why must my roommate play Celine Dion? I'm really not in the mood for her mushiness right now. I mean, even less than usual. Ack.
I'm not sure why I'm whining about it. That's what my stereo and my headphones are for. *puts in CD*
The passing of time
And all of its sickening crimes
Is making me sad again...
And when you're dancing
And laughing and finally living
Hear my voice in your head and think of me kindly...
~The Smiths, "Rubber Ring"
spake the voices
Effective excitedness is all about extremes in moderation.
spake the voices
heehee.
spake the voices
It just feels good somehow to be delving into music theory again. My head is filled with chords and intervals, and I like that. =)
spake the voices
There was something that felt very wrong about not going to Cushman last night, even though it was because I was doing the work that I usually do on Sunday night so that I can go to the Super Bowl party tonight. It's scary how much that's become ingrained in my habits. I don't think I've missed a Friday or Saturday night at Cushman since...sometime early last semester. Creepy, yo.It has been decided that "yo" is no longer a form of slang. It is a particle used for emphasis. English needs more particles. Oh yes.
spake the voices