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I went to Julie's, where they couldn't fit me in, and from there went across the street to JJ's, where they could. I explained that I just wanted a trim. There were questions about layering, which I didn't understand all that well, and tried to articulate the regular old haircut that I was planning on. The stylist did different things with different types of scissors, and it looked all right, but when I eventually asked if she could cut it a bit shorter on my forehead, she looked at me as though I'd proposed something very dangerous indeed, and, convinced that she probably knew what she was talking about, agreed that it would be okay if she just textured it instead, whatever that was. More things with funny kinds of scissors, more wondering exactly what she was up to with my part and exactly how much hair there was going to be in front of my ears. Eventually it appeared to be done, and I paid as quickly as possible and left. And as I got on my bike and went home I found that I was frustrated to the point of tears, for no particularly good reason.
Even the most reasonable woman, I comforted myself by saying as I stood in front of the bathroom sink staring at my reflection, is to some extent affected by the way society finds her worth in her physical appearance. And, as I dipped my head under the faucet and rinsed the stylist's gel from my hair, even those of us who think we've freed ourselves from such superficial things still see our appearance as fundamental to who we are and somehow equate it to our worth. Our conception of our beauty becomes somehow equated to our conception of ourselves. I toweled off my hair. So, when we trust someone else with something fundamental to our appearance, like our hair, we are trusting them with an interpretation of beauty and, to an extent, with an interpretation of what we think we really are. I got out a brush and combed my hair down until the stylist's idea of sophistication was thoroughly gone. No. Sophisticated I am not. I stared at myself in the mirror, fully aware that I looked practically the same as before, but still wishing that I could trust myself with scissors instead of turning my self-image over to a stranger every couple of months.
Some things might look a little screwy right now, but for some reason everything's been running slow today and comments have been down frequently, so it may be a little while before we get our act together. Nothing should look too weird since very little was changed, but as always comments are welcome.
