Archives
Wednesday, September 25, 2002
It came again, this time freezing my mind over, erasing from it the Greek vocabulary I needed and the memory of last week's assignment. This connection flowing through me again, the energy that I must try to deflect or else channel into something useful so that it doesn't sweep over me and uselessly keep me up all night in a state of tense anticipation of nothing at all. I can chant or sing to myself, or write song lyrics down over and over again using various alphabets. But all that will just be a way of covering up everything going on in my head, all the different trains of thought trickling down, reminding me that there's some soul-searching to do and some personal diary entries to write and a lot of things to figure out before this stream of mine and all the rivers it flows out of and into begin to rush along smoothly again.
Monday, September 23, 2002
Songs that I get really caught up in are almost infuriating sometimes. When I'm really into a song usually I develop the coordination to drum on the nearest piece of furniture and sing at the same time. But there are too many other parts, overlapping vocals sometimes, or various instrumental sections, or harmonies that I become aware of after a while. It's too much, and my voice and hands are too awkward to ever be able to completely immerse myself in what I'm hearing, though I want nothing more than to become the song, to be every instrument all at once and to wrap myself up in the music. What would it be like to be something so intangible and yet so powerful? I'll never know; for I only know the sounds that hit my ears, the vibration of my voice in my throat, and the impact as my clumsy hands slap the edge of the desk over and over again, in rhythm.
