This is not, I repeat NOT, a complete accounting of my life, open to your perusal. It is not a diary, journal, or even a blog, except in the most basic sense of that term. It is not a place to vent, except in a manner that has passed the censors and is deemed suitable for public consumption. In short, this is an abbreviated account of whatever activities I see fit to tell you, meant to give those who aren’t a daily part of my life some idea of what’s going on.
That is all.
Just a friendly little reminder to you to visit Fenix Studios and to take a little look around. I might not have everything up and running just yet...but I still make good stuff! Go now! Do it!
22-08-02
I wish I did.
I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. I don't even know what I care about anymore.
I wish I did.
I don't know how long I'll be allowed to stay at Colgate. The odds right now are very firmly against me. Even if I am allowed to stay, the demands upon me (those set by others and those set by myself alike) are so great that I don't think it will ever be the same. I know nothing ever stays the same to begin with...but this is different. This is...strange. I won't be able to hang out with my friends. I won't be able to travel, really. I won't be able to do anything but work, study, and train. Not if I want to remain at Colgate. Which begs the question: just how much do I really want to stay. I have terrible memories of Colgate. But I also have the most wonderful memories there as well. It's like a microcosm of life. I'll never find an answer. I'll just spend the rest of my existence looking.
In any case, for better or worse I am returning to Colgate...for however long...on Monday. I doubt I'll be doing any more posting until then. Perhaps I'll put a new page, a new version, up once I'm at school. Perhaps I won't.
So I guess this is it, people. The phoenix once soared, awash in the glow of its own bright flame. It has faltered and faded and burnt out in one last, glorious flare of life. Now it dwindles to coals and ashes. Will it arise again from the ashes?
We will all have to wait and see.
"Sweetie, you look like you need a hug. Do you need a hug?"
05-08-02
Why can't the world just leave me bloody well enough alone when I want it to????? I'm entitled to a little flareup of antisocial behaviours every so often, aren't I? Gah. I give up. If I sleep, the only thing that can pester/annoy me is my own subconscious. IT I can deal with.
04-08-02
Time for a shameless plug: Visit my new business, Fenix Studios! Yes, I know I don't have pictures or a logo up yet...gimme a break! I've been too busy making the bloody stock to worry about slickening up my page. And YES that is why I haven't overhauled this page yet, too. I'm getting there, I swear!
01-08-02
28-07-02
Oh well. I have so very much to report that I can't possibly ever hope to cover it all. Suffice it to say that my emotional health is being tried on a daily basis...and yet I'm doing better than I ever have before. I've learned to let go. And to see silver linings, at least in retrospect. I'm happier, generally speaking, than I have been in all my memory. And THAT is a blissful feeling.
As for events here...there's not much of overriding importance that stands out in my sleep-deprived mind at one-thirty in the morning. Thus, I'll just do a quick 'n' easy breakdown for y'all:
I got a "new" car...now dubbed the Speedbuggy, because it's a rather fast piece of junk that I nonetheless love and cherish.
I turned 19 on July the 7th. TANABATA!!!!
I got really bored and started making jewellry and woodburned items like a maniac.
I got into a huge fight with my parents.
I went to the Sterling Renaissance Festival. So very much fun!
I realised for the nth time just how much I miss everyone from Colgate.
I hung out with Anna and went to Lamoca Lake for her birthday. Bats are fun. Remember that.
I have very short hair. I was attacked repeatedly by bats. The long-haired (read: tangle-able) people with me were attacked repeatedly by bats. Bats are fun.
I got called at 9am on a sleepy Monday morning by a frantic golf pro and hired to instruct/be a counselor at golf camp...the same golf camp I had been turned down by repeatedly this summer, despite the fact that I've worked there for at least 3 years. Vengeance is mine!!!!
I got to play with a golf cart. Did you know that you can make those do wheelies if you hit a hill just right?
I nearly got heatstroke.
Repeat.
I nearly froze to death on a very cold, rainy day of golf.
I hung out with Jeremy and finally saw Minority Report. Did I mention we almost died thanks to a stray road-cone?
Nearly got heatstroke.
I realised that, although my drives really bite, I'm still pretty damn good at golf. This is after not playing AT ALL for two years. I love my job.
Started my own business. Whee! Anybody got name suggestions? I haven't quite settled yet.
I nearly got heatstroke while my golf team won the camp tournament by a HUGE margin. We rock. Then I babysat. Now I have an idea for a sweet computer game. I need help making it. Any takers?
I worked with small children for many hours in the hot hot sun. I am sticky. Eew.
I get to go to Corning ArtsFest 2002 tomorrow! Score!
NEhoo, that is all for now. I can't remember any more. If I do, I'll put it up. Oh, and don't expect any more website changes for awhile. I want to get on with a full overhaul...and I barely get any computer time as it is.
28-06-02
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America; and to that Republic for which it stands, one nation, under Canada, easily divisible, with liberty and an interesting concept of justice for all.
22-06-02
Along related lines...if I'm going to keep doing things like this, I need an outlet for them. I'm going to try to sell some of my creations to make some extra money. So...if anyone is interested in a maille handflower or a specially-designed fighting/walking staff, email me. We'll talk. *grins*
21-06-02
20-06-02
That's right...I have nothing much to report. Nothing interesting has happened and I'm just plain bored stiff. The most interesting thing to happen all week was a rather unexpected switch of cars for me. No more Jeep...I've got a Prism now. Or will tomorrow. Hope it's a good little car. Then again, anything with 2+ wheels that goes "vroom" and doesn't eat gas is a good little car in my book. Though I will miss my cruise control and CD player...
Past that, all I've done of note all week is mow the lawn today and make plans to see Lilo and Stitch with Anna tomorrow. Ooh, I can't WAIT to see that movie! All of you - go see it. Do it!
Until I have something decent to report...this is the Phoenix, signing off.
16-06-02
Yes, I am planning a full site overhaul...just as soon as I develop the technical skills to actually pull it off the way I want to. In the interim, the lot of you will just be forced to be passive, unwitting guinea pigs for my experiments into psychoactive drugs! Muahahahahahaha!!!!!! Oh...wait...you're not supposed to know about that...I meant that you'll be test subjects for my evil meddling with the laws of time, space, and matter! Muahahahaha! No...that's not it either. Oh, I remember now! You'll be forced to cope with various scripts and odd bits of code popping up about the page as I attempt to teach myself to be more than a simple code-cruncher. Just bear with me, okay? I promise the results of my tinkering will be worth it.
When I snap my fingers, you will wake up and remember nothing of the previous paragraph, when I made those unfortunate references to my plots and plans.
13-06-02
I know a few of you were worried about the highly depressed tone of my past few entries. Thanks. I was in a very dark place for a few weeks and I needed your support and encouragement right about then. *smiles and hugs all* I love you guys so very much! Oh, and I assure you that I'm doing a lot better now. Many things have resolved themselves, more or less satisfactorily, and while I am still on edge and really upset at being in Hellmira, I'm feeling much more like myself.
As for further updates - well, they'll be sporadic. Mother has confiscated my computer in an effort to keep me from becoming a webhead, so I get monitored time each day. No biggie - it just means I won't have From the Ashes 2.0 up and running for awhile yet. Hells, I haven't even had time to really work on it. I'm still engaged in a frantic job search and that's taking top priority, let me tell ya. That reminds me - anybody know of a job in the Twin Tiers area? Got any ideas? I really don't want to be washing dishes for only 8 hours a week...I'd rather something a little better for the resume and the wallet...
I miss you all. Write me, call me, keep in touch!
29-05-02
27-05-02
I'm sorry, everyone. I'm so sorry...
19-05-02
17-05-02
Today went strikingly well, considering that I'm at home and rather rapidly going crazy in the coconut. I think I may have gotten a job (we'll see next week) and I found out that my task at daddy's plant on Monday is doing reception work, not heavy lifting. By some miracle, mum got called to the farm for the day...so I do her job, instead of the grunt work. Most acceptable. I nearly had my head chewed off by her last night, but managed to avert most of the damage, so that was good. In other good news on the day, I might be headed to Star Wars tonight (slightly against my better judgement, but that's another story entirely) and I managed to find an actual GAME SHOP in Elmira, of all places! It's mostly Magic: the Gathering stuff, but they're willing to order any WhiteWolf I want, at discount. Whee! All I have to do now is locate that damned Bastet book...
So, all in all, today's been decent as of yet. I'm reserving judgement on the rest of it. Hate to fall back into pessimism, but when everything that happens in this town seems to shake out to the negative, it's awfully hard not to. Eh. C'est la vie and so forth. But I do have a spiffy new logo...and I think I'll become a layout whore soon enough...*grins again*
16-05-02
Oh, and still no job. I have one day left. Otherwise...I report to the factory on Monday. Any ideas? Anyone? Please? Help?
14-05-02
Essentially, my mum has issued a set of house rules, including a lights-out time of midnight and a wakeup time of 8am. Yeah. Hullo, I'm almost NINETEEN!!! *hisses and spits* Oh, and she's also declared that I am to work 30-40 hours per week and that any day I do not have gainful employment is to be spent in manual labour at my father's place of business. I told her last night that I have NO intention of engaging in manual labour this summer...and she read me the riot act. Apparently I'm an ungrateful wretch and I should take whatever I'm offered to survive, including manual labour. Is it my fault that I'm not physically equipped to hang machine parts for 12 hours a day???? Landscaping, cleaning - shit like that I can handle. This variety of menial work is NOT my bag. So I won't do it. I'll work 5 jobs if I have to (and at this point, that's what it's coming to) but I won't do heavy lifting all summer.
Oh, and this work policy of hers pretty much kills any chance I have of playing with my friends...or getting to go ANYWHERE. As if I wasn't aware of this anyway. I think the thing that bothers me most at present is that I don't get to see Matt and Dana before they graduate. Damn, I miss you guys already... *snif*
Great. Mum just came in and told me that I have two hours a day of phone time, to be used after dinner and before 11pm. Riiiight. That includes all internet access. That means I don't get to even TALK with anyone that could help keep me sane this summer. Fuck that. Damnit, does anyone out there know a good hit man? I'd kill her myself, except that too many people know how much I loathe her. *screams in anger*
Anyway, I'll hopefully find a decent job around here...but SOON. I'm about *holds up two fingers, closely spaced* THIS close to running the hell away from here. Argh.
09-05-02
I'm tired...drained of all emotional energy. Of all will to go on being strong and perserverant. Everything that has happened this semester - all the shit, all the fights, all the fuckups - have hit me like a ton of bricks in the last two days. I can no longer ignore the ghosts in my mind...but I don't have the energy to confront them and banish them once and for all. It's funny - if there was ever a time I would be able to do that, to finally move on and be who I know I am, it would be now. And yet the very circumstances that have put me here have made it so that I can't summon the energy to do so.
I've had a lousy semester, overall. I've hurt and I've been hurt. More than anything, I've hurt myself. I'm scarred, through and through. And yet...I'm not. For all the pain that has been and all that I know is to come, there is also the knowledge that I can handle it, because I have once before. I once found my inner sanctum...and it saved me. I just have to finally find the energy to do so again.
For once in my life, I'm looking forward to going home. I'm going to miss the wonderful friends I have made here at Colgate - they support me, encourage me, boot me in the head...whatever I need - and I try my damnedest to do the same for them. Guys, you know who you are. I love you more than you know. And I will miss you. But I need a break from all the angst and neuroses. I have my own to deal with.
The one thing that saddens me most about going home is dealing with my parents, of course. But...guys, come visit me this summer. You'll make it bearable. And it will help me not miss you. And not go over the edge...
Discouraged, yet heartened. Deep in self-doubt and even a bit of indulgent self-loathing, yet finally convinced of my own value to others. Drained, yet energized. Dichotomy sucks - but it is my existence. It's what I am...multitudinous and contradictory. It's high time I admitted that, sucked it up, and moved onward.
I've been here before and it almost destroyed me. I got out. I rose up. I'm not going to let anything stop me now.
06-05-02
04-05-02
I'm in such a good mood I've decided to give you another doll to play with and admire!
03-05-02
Hours to go: none. I'm finished! Yay!
28-4-02
Ready...Set...Go!
I'm tired. Of a great many things. But most of all, I think I'm tired of being jerked around like a puppy on a string. My emotions and even my intellect are being toyed with my so very many people in so very many ways. And it never stops. I grant you, I'm doing a lot of the toying myself - I infer things and then jerk myself around sometimes - but that doesn't mean that I'm doing it all the time. There are some people whom I think just enjoy trifling with me. But then...I'm so very mixed up now that I don't know what is real and what is in my head.
21-08-02
Quoth the Phoenix at 6:07pm
One quote sums up my day and, quite possibly, my week:
"Yes. From a noose."
Quoth the Phoenix at 11:47pm
Tired. Mildly heat-struck. Annoyed at the lack of sales at this weekend's Arts in the Square show in Sayre. EXTREMELY antisocial...particularly where my parents, fellow golf camp staffers, and certain other individuals are concerned. I just want to sleep. I REALLY don't want to get up at 7am for work.
Quoth the Phoenix at 12:41am
Heading out to the second day of the Sayre Arts in the Square. Hoping to actually cut a profit...damn, but that'd be nice. I doubt it'll happen...but as long as I cover the table fee and start to make a dent on my expenses I'll be okay.
02-08-02
Quoth the Phoenix at 7:38am
Note: Republica sucks. They never opened, even though they ASSURED me they were open every Thursday night from 10 til 1. Grrrr. Jer and I ended up at The Nines, a Collegetown jazz club, instead. It was okay...but it would've been better if A) DJ Hydrophonic had been spinning or B) We hadn't had those damn over-under stamps...
Quoth the Phoenix at 2:32am
Just a report for anyone who might be wondering where I am...I'm clubbin it up! I found a place in Ithaca called Republica that sounds GREAT...and has a really cheap cover. Jeremy and I are hittin it tonight. Woot! If this turns out to be kewl, I forsee some clubbing trips in the future of my Colgate buddies and I...
*grins*
And...I'm oudi! More post-age tomorrow or so!
Quoth the Phoenix at 7:57pm
All right, I realise I haven't updated in almost precisely one month. I'm sorry. I've been almost absurdly busy here in Hellmira, what with starting my very own business, getting called in to a job as an emergency replacement counselor, narrowly avoiding heatstroke on a daily basis, and attempting to extricate myself from the horrible and really implausible soap opera that is my life here. As the Ghetto Turns - what a life.
I got into a fight with my parents.
Quoth the Phoenix at 1:47am
Just a random little bit of input on this whole idiotic Pledge of Allegiance debate. Get over it, people. The words haven't been there all that long...and they can be deleted as easily as they were put in. Whether we all want to admit it or not...this country WAS founded on Christian ideals. Therefore, we're stuck with Christian (or at least monotheistic) references on our money, etc. That doesn't make it right - but neither does it mean that we should go about litigating everything, as is America's wont. And now, a revised Pledge of Allegiance, courtesy of the genius that is Ufo9:
Quoth the Phoenix at 11:24pm
I'm a happy little artisan! I just finished my first staff...which looks like I could use it as a walking stick in addition to it's intended purpose as a fighting staff/jo stick. I rather like it...it has burned-in vines curling along the whole length and I just stained it a really pretty golden tone. I can't wait to make another one of these things! Sure, it's painstaking and time-consuming work, but it's quite fun. I always find a release in my art, no matter how eccentric that art might be. Chain maille work, woodcraft, sewing...all of those give me just as much of an outlet as sculpture does. I love my work. I really think that it is what will keep me sane this summer, amidst the utter and complete banality of Elmiran existence.
Quoth the Phoenix at 4:20pm
To everyone with reason to care...
Quoth the Phoenix at 12:00pm
All's quiet on the Elmiran front...
Quoth the Phoenix at 11:10pm
So...you've been noticing some changes taking place around the site, ne? Good for you! You're an observant one! *pats on head*
Quoth the Phoenix at 12:23am
Yes, I know I haven't updated in ages. Observant mortal, aren't'cha? *chuckles* Oh well. You've dealt and so have I. Good for us both. On to business.
Quoth the Phoenix at 9:39pm
Well, it's settled. I'm stuck here now. I'm not getting out. I deserve this, in all honesty. *shrugs* C'est la vie. It's time I finally accepted the consequences of my actions...or, in this case, inactions. So...here goes everything.
Quoth the Phoenix at 9:53pm
It's over. All of it. There's no use in fighting anymore. I might as well admit that it's all over and just get on with what I have to do now.
Quoth the Phoenix at 10:27pm
If anyone has an idea of how an almost-nineteen year old can support herself and possibly put herself through school, please let me know. I'm going to need all the possibilities I can come up with...
Quoth the Phoenix at 9:15pm
Amazing what I'm capable of when I get bored enough. I rather like my new flaming logo...now I just need to figure out how to fix that coloring on it... *grins*
Quoth the Phoenix at 5:51pm
Why is it that home and family make me so godsdamned MISERABLE? I want OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!
Quoth the Phoenix at 10:12pm
Here I am, back home - and damned if I know how I'm going to survive the summer. I started missing all of my wonderful friends from school about 4 hours after I arrived here in Hellmira for another joyous summer o' misery. Rah. Yes, I know I'm not being the most positive person about this, but it's damned hard to be positive in a place that sucks the life and joy out of you. I'm serious about that. In the past, oh, perhaps four days, I've been cracked down upon by my mother, screamed at repeatedly, forced into a veritable state of servitude/captivity, and almost played by a very good old friend. How's that for a start?
Quoth the Phoenix at 5:47pm
This is a place I never thought I'd find myself again...
Quoth the Phoenix at 1:23pm
New updates to the Collected page, kids! I've got a "poem" of my own up and a shitload of quizzes for your amusement. If you're bored...or in need of procrastinating while studying or packing...check 'em out! :)
Quoth the Phoenix at 5:46pm
I'm finished! Whee! What a happy kitty I am! Besides...the weather's great and I got mehndi'd last night, and I got 12 hours of sleep! Wheeeeee!
Quoth the Phoenix at 4:12pm
In the interest of continuity, have some end-of-semester statistics, to be updated regularly for the next few days:
THAT WHICH IS DONE, AT LEAST PARTIALLY
Projects done (of 1): 1
Presentations done (of 1): 1
Makeup assignments finished (of 3): 3
Classes attended (of 2): 2
Classes withdrawn from (of 4): 1
Withdrawal signatures collected (of 2): 1 and a little - don't ask.
Paperwork turned in (of 1): 1
Papers written (of 1): 1
THAT WHICH REMAINS
Labs done (of 5): 4
Finals studied for (of 2): 0
Finals taken (of 2): 0
CHEMICALS
Cups of tea: 5
Cups of coffee: 6
Smoothies (thanks Paul!): 2
Meals missed (of 6): 4
Junk food consumed (thanks Dan and Meg!): too much
Things lit on fire: 2
STRESS AND SANITY
Academic sanity-savers: 2
Social sanity-savers: 1
Academic insanity-inducers: 2
Social insanity-inducers: 2
Narrowly averted nervous breakdowns: 3
VERY narrowly averted academic disasters: 1
Hours of sleep: 17 hours
Chronic insomniac with a sleep disorder waking up early: 1 - I ain't happy!
And last, but not least:
Quoth the Phoenix at 1:10am
 |
Which Angel would you be? By Angel Falls |
Does this really surprise any of you? No. I thought not.
Quoth the Phoenix at 8:05pm
21-4-02
No update for you. Come back one week.
Quoth the Phoenix at 10:13pm
11-4-02
What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a child in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. It is the flicker of sunlight across the trees of a forest in early spring. It is the glimmer of the first bright star in the rosy dimness of dusk. It is now.
I'm truly happy and serene and relaxed for the first time in as long as I can remember. Today was GOOD.
Quoth the Phoenix at 11:59pm
It is a GORGEOUS day outside. You should be out frolicking or basking in the sun. Nothing at all can be wrong in the world on such a day as this. It's a day to simply be alive and to love being alive. That's what I feel like today. I feel 10 feet tall, beautiful, sparkling, and ALIVE. I love days like this. I'm going to go enjoy it to its fullest now.
I feel like a goddess. Today is perfect...and that is all.
Quoth the Phoenix at 4:05pm
8-4-02
Well, that was painful. I almost made an awful mess of things this past week and didn't realize it until yesterday, I think. I nearly managed to screw up 2 or 3 wonderful friendships AND fuck myself up while I was at it. What I nearly did (Some of you know. The rest, just bear with me here) would have been fun and would have made me very happy for at least a while, but it's still too soon for me. I need time to think, time to be me and only me. Time to have friends and to strengthen those friendships without jeopardizing them for a chance at something deeper/greater/more transient. Yes, all of those. I think they all fit. In any case, I just hurt myself very deeply and I think I hurt someone I care about very much as well. It should all work out all right, though. He knows why I did what I did and I think he might even understand. I hope he does. Half of the reasoning behind what I did was to make sure I don't hurt him more. We'll see. Besides...I don't want to be that girl who tears everything to shreds. On a brighter note, I'm just glad I had the strength to do what I knew I should. May the gods grant me the strength to keep it that way - and to enjoy the life I have RIGHT NOW.
Quoth the Phoenix at 11:59pm
*sighs contentedly* All is well. My paper is done. I got the chance to do a mehndi ritual. My friends love me. I don't have to get up until late tomorrow. I get to be kidnapped for fun this weekend. Yes, I have obscene amounts of delicate sewing to do. Sure, there are things I'd like to change in my life right now and things that aren't very good, but they'll all work out. Everything will work out. It's all good.
Besides, when Sarah's made the two of us into dollz, how can anything make me sad??? *grins*
Isn't it ridiculous how much that looks like the two of us kittens...at least if we were anime chicks, that is!
Quoth the Phoenix at 5:55pm
7-4-02
I hate it when I go all ADHD from stress. I have a paper to write that SHOULD be very fun and actually rather easy. Unfortunately, I've been trying to work on it for a good hour now...and I've only gotten 2 paragraphs done because I keep getting distracted by various shiny objects. I don't even think they're very good paragraphs! *sighs* Why must the internet be so damned tempting when I'm trying to work? Why must email be checked every 5 minutes? Why must I get IMs from people I'd actually like to talk to? Why must...ooooh, shiiiinnnyyy...!
Quoth the Phoenix at 9:56pm
"I do not know myself;
Nor, indeed, do I wish to.
To know oneself is chiefest folly.
For, if you know the disposition
Of your heart, your mind, your soul,
How, then, can you change them?
And if you cannot change them,
Tell me – how then can you grow?
How do you live on
when all that you are -
All that you can be -
Is writ forever in stone?"
Quoth the Phoenix at 8:32pm
6-4-02
For all that is screwed up with my life right now (and all that desperately needs straightening out...), I am surprisingly unconcerned. After a week of complete unsociability, I have reached an uncanny state of serenity. I don't know where it came from, but I like it. To quote Alan, I'm either completely drained or I've found a little slice of nirvana...or both. I, though, would rather refer you all to the mantra running through my head right now, courtesy of Dana's subliminal messaging...
It's not all good now. But it will be. It's all good...eventually.
I feel like sitting in front of a window, basking in a sunbeam and twitching my metaphysical tail. Perhaps tomorrow I shall.
Quoth the Phoenix at 10:40pm
Sarcastic FF X character selector
Yeah - so that, uh, about covers it for the day. Maybe I'll have more for you later...
Quoth the Phoenix at 4:46pm
5-4-02
I'm sure you've all been waiting with baited breath for a new update to my journal-y thing here. *snorts* Yeah, right. Who am I kidding? Well, sit down and shut up. You're getting a new rant anyway.
I've generally been in an antisocial mood for the past week or so. My sleep problem has only gotten worse, though I am getting help for it now. I can barely concentrate and my back is so knotted up you could review for a boyscout merit badge just by looking at it. I'm in pretty lousy shape...and the physical is just the beginning of it.
I seem to have gotten myself into the middle of a really bad place in relationships all of a sudden. Things with Adam haven't really resolved themselves...an occurance I plan to rectify immediately. I can't let things go on like this. I need closure of one kind or another, no matter how painful. Meanwhile, I've gotten dragged through the mud with respect to two other relationships - friendships possibly in jeopardy, you might say. If you know what I'm talking about, good for you. If not, it's because I haven't seen fit to tell you. Deal with it.
Moving from BAD to AMBIGUOUS, I've been given the chance to be the first to costume a new comedy (yeah, I know that's really a BAD thing, since it means I won't quit theatre like I promised). Also, I got a bunch of nifty Invader Zim stuff and some new episodes. There goes more of my time and money. My parents have bought a new place to live. This could be good or bad, depending on the amount of stress they dump onto me.
In the category of GOOD, I'm getting to be really good friends with Chris from costume class. She rocks! AND she managed to put in a good word for me with SOURcE, so I may actually have a job around here soon. Woot! In other Woot-y news, Sarah has made tons of cute dollz for me...they look just like me (only prettier) and really represent me well. I'll be posting them around the site periodically for your enjoyment. Oh, for those that care, my show for costume class is almost done. Phew. I still have a lot of work to do, but the end is neigh.
Anyhow, I'm out of here for the night. I WAS going to use tonight's game night to distract myself and to shed the need to think constantly. That opportunity has vanished, but I'll play along and be "happy" anyway. I can be sober (in every sense) and antisocial again tomorrow.
Quoth the Phoenix at 7:02pm
28-3-02
...I chanted "One cannot serve both gods. One must choose to win and lose."
But I was wrong and when I knew how I was wrong I knew
What, in a way, I had known all along:
This was the new world, here I belonged, here I was wrong because
Here every tragedy has a happy ending, and any error may be
A fabulous discovery of America, of the opulence hidden in the dark depths and glittering heights of reality.
Quoth the Phoenix at 12:53pm
26-3-02
I can't say I wasn't warned...
It's time once again for Colgate's housing lottery and it is beginning to wreak its horrible havoc upon innocent students all across campus. You see - I agreed back at the beginning of December to room with two of my good friends here. Problem is, now some of my other friends (with whom I would also like to live) don't want to live with one of those girls. Angry IM conversations have rained down upon the populace. Grimaces have sprouted up on many faces. Trash cans have been kicked repeatedly. I think someone may have blown up the ResLife office...
In any case, I know who I made the first rooming arrangement with - I WILL NOT break my agreement with them. Then again, it's a moot point, because I don't want to break that arrangement. I like it too much. Oh well. If nothing else, I'll move into CAH - though I really don't want a contact high every time I go to my room...
I guess all I really have to say is that I'm emotionally drained from all the events of the past week and I really don't want to deal with this sort of petty haggling - as if I'm capable of it at all right now. Can you blame me? Even if you can, I've more or less lost the ability to care right about now. Argh. That annoys me in and of itself. I'm going to go collapse now. Buhbye.
Quoth the Phoenix at 9:57pm
24-3-02
Hm. It's been awhile since I posted, hasn't it? Que sera, I suppose. Midterms and all that. To make up for it, I'll give you a brief rundown of what I've been up to, for the most part.
I got through midterms.
I went home on spring break and got really buzzed from all the paint fumes and carpet glue in the house due to the remodeling thing.
Adam and I broke up.
I have wonderful friends.
I shopped 'til I dropped and got to see my bestest girlfriend from home.
I'm back at school, having accomplished very little over break.
My roomie won't be back 'til Tuesday, so I'm living it up by using her desk as a sewing table!
I have wonderful friends. Did I ever mention that?
And that is all for now, kids. It is late (early?) and I am tired. Can't wait to see all of you 'Gate people again! I've missed you all! Dream well!
Quoth the Phoenix at 1:53am
11-3-02
Well, here goes - the first entry in the Kate Update log! All I really have to note for you today is the near-completion of From the Ashes, my first-ever website. With any luck, it will be ready to upload onto the Colgate website by Thursday...which also happens to be the due date for the CompSci project which spawned it. Eh. We'll see. In any case, sit back, relax, and enjoy the mayhem which will no doubt ensue here in the Kate Update!
Quoth the Phoenix at 4:08pm